When I was doing my As, I roughly had an idea of what kind of grades I'm going to get. I told myself not to expect too much. I kept my standards low. I only hoped that my grades can get me a place in a local university. I don't ask for a lot, really.
Even so, on results day, I was nervous. I was anxious. I was lost. What am I gonna do if I screw up my As? Okay, retake as a private candidate? Nah, I can't bare to go through As all over again. Go to a private U? My parents can't afford the tuition fees. I do know that there are many alternative paths/routes I can take, but I'd prefer the conventional one. I ranted to my colleagues everyday about results day and how much I dread it. I'm sure they were pretty much annoyed by me. Occasionally I have the doctors at my clinic advising me to take up popular and competitive courses such as dentistry (surprise!!), accountancy blah blah. I can only say "Thanks 你很看得起我"
I do want my parents to be proud of their own daughter. They could have gone to their workplace and show off her excellent results to their colleagues. But sometimes, there's a limit to what one can achieve. I have never achieved excellent results. I was never super smart. All along, I did average. I went to a neighbourhood primary school. Got a pretty decent PSLE score. Went to a neighbourhood secondary school. Got a pretty decent L1R5. Went to a neighbourhood junior college...
On results day, met up with my JC clique. Had lunch at pastamania. Tried to chill and act as if we aren't really bothered by what was gonna happen in probably 1 hours time. Went to school and squeezed in the hall. I swear the aircon wasn't even on and I almost wanted to faint due to heatstroke because there were like ~1.6k people in the hall.
As usual, Mr Kwek was giving his speech and I randomly whatsapped Gina and asked if she has gotten her results already. BAM! She took a photo of her results slip and I swear I almost screamed. Controlled myself because of the extremely tense atmosphere in the hall and screaming would be the most inappropriate thing to do at that moment. She did very well, in case you guys are still wondering. And there goes, the honour roll. Firstly, I want to say, good job to those who went up on stage. The few from 1110, damn proud. Especially dearest Danial!! Congratulations! Was truly very happy for my friends who did well :')
Photo taken after Danial came back from stage and before we proceed to the atrium to collect our results.
When we were queuing up to collect our results, the nervousness was totally gone. I was super calm. Held Joey and Rachel hands. We were deciding on who to go first and I calmly volunteered myself. I remember thinking to myself "Just get it done and over with!" Went up to Mr Toh and I told him "Mr Toh, I'm very calm now." He took my results slip, browsed through, and only commented on my Math grade. I mean, well, he was our math tutor so...
Took no time and immediately looked at my results slip. I wouldn't say I was happy. I wouldn't say I was sad. Because the moment I looked at my results, my first reaction was more of like, er, okay, so...is this good or bad? I couldn't even judge for myself. The next moment I saw Rachel crying and for the next 10 minutes we were all trying to get her to stop crying. Then I realised she was crying because she did so much better than what she expected, that bastard. Took another second to look at my grades. Oh well, I screwed up econs and gp. Oh hey my chemistry! Then the rest were like, okay can. Went to look for Ms Lee and thanked her, sincerely. Really grateful :')
So...I scored decent grades. (surprise?)
Popular courses are obviously out for me. I'm still looking at the various courses. I'm so stressed out recently. What makes you think that I can make a decision within a month when I've already spent my entire life figuring out what I really want in life but to no avail?
I wish I had figured out what I really want to study in Uni, way before I did my As. It could have been my motivation. Oh well, but whats the use of saying all these now. Went to SMU and NTU's open house. I swear I'm seriously a super indecisive person when it comes to things like these. I feel like I'm getting brainwashed each weekend. How now brown cow?!
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